Family Peace

We don’t talk too much about religion anymore.  My family seems to have reached peace about what it means to be “not religious” and our place in the world. It’s been a while since my boys have come home with war stories of religion debates. They seem to just accept others and accept how others view them.

My older son has a friend whom I am pretty certain will grow up to be a successful preacher. He tells my kid that one day he will believe in god. I hear my son chuckle and just take it in stride, “Sure, Sam,” he says, “Whatever you want to believe.”  When I give this boy a ride home, he spends the whole time preaching. My son doesn’t try to debate him anymore; he just listens and smiles. I think he’s just amused at the boy’s persistence. To me, this is what peace sounds like.

Dead People

My husband and sons were watching “Cops” last night. They showed a dead person–an actual dead person–on the show. We’ve really sunk to new lows….What sort of society exploits and disrespects the dead like that…

Being Good

I’m home, and I’m always a little surprised when I travel a long way that I 1) make it back alive and 2) pick up with the same life I left off. It’s sort of like a DVD that’s been paused, but the main characters step out for a bit. I’ve stepped off the screen into another world.  

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be moral. Can I honestly say that I am a moral person? I will admit that I sometimes struggle with this. Tonight, while walking the dog, I thought how much I wanted to walk off and leave my dog’s defecation. I really didn’t want to pick up the mess, and heck, no one could see me out there. I hesitated….oh….it’s always so gross to pick up that squishy pile.

It was only because I felt guilty about leaving the mess for my neighbors that I picked it up. Otherwise, I would not have done the right thing. There are times like this that I wonder how moral I really am. If I knew I was able to steal five million dollars without getting caught, would I do it? (My father says, “yes, he would.” He would make his life better and wrong someone else. No one would be hurt by stealing the money, only inconvenienced.)

We all have different moralities that change over time. Maybe when I reached the age of 70 I will feel as my father does. For Christians or other denominations, they remain consistent in their motivations and value systems. Morality is clear-cut. Black and white. Christians believe that God is watching over them as well as watching them. Be good or pay the price later–maybe even sooner than later if God decides.

For nonbelievers, there is no one watching over us, no reason to be “good” but the moral structure/reasoning we’ve set in place ourselves.  What does “being good” mean anyway?

Spring Break

The husband and I are taking the kids skiing. We’re driving this year, and I figure that’s a good way to reconnect with the kids. We’ve all been so busy, and it’ll be good to have some down time.

I have this belief that, if I keep my kids busy, they will not have time to get into trouble. This may or may not be true. My oldest just turned 16, so in two more years, I can tell you if my plan worked. He takes a rigorous courseload, plays #1 spot on his tennis team, strings rackets for extra cash and attends a tennis academy. He literally has no extra time. So far, it’s kept him away from drugs and alcohol. He also has not had time for a girlfriend. Yet.

As I write this, I realize how mean it sounds. But I think this is what many parents must do–they keep their kids physically and mentally engaged so that they won’t have idle time. Didn’t Ben Franklin write about this?

Anyway. The kids deserve a little break, so this will be good for all of us. Hope you enjoy your spring breaks, too!

Internal vs. External Moral Structures

My family lives in a very religious town. On Sundays, church parking lots are stuffed with SUV’s and people in pretty clothes. The religious have purpose. They have “answers” for many of the questions that I just leave blank. When believers fall off to sleep at night, there is an invisible but discernible safety net. There are guardian angels. There is destiny and fate. There is an enviable support system for members of churches. For those of us who do not believe? Well, if you are one of us, you know. There is no church, no prayer meeting, no hope for an afterlife, no Bible, no grand plan. This is it. Religion and faith have their merits, but it is not for me and my family.

Humans have the ability to create a strong set of principles independent of an imaginary moral authority. Being “good” without the promise of rewards, whether earthly or heavenly, creates a moral infrastructure that is solidly inside us. In some ways, it is much stronger than a religious moral system that is constructed outside and away from our “selves.” I expect my children to be “good,” to make moral choices because it is the right thing to do and because it creates a positive energy in society. I don’t want to teach them that if they help others, they will go to heaven. Rather, I want them to understand that if they help an elderly neighbor mow her yard, it is because it is the right thing to do. The goodness that is sent out into the world like a letter in a bottle can spread joy in places you might not expect, even within ourselves.

Running

My kid has asthma. Yesterday, he was trying out for the tennis team and had to run a mile. He had left his inhaler at school, which was locked. If you have asthma, you know that exercise can exacerbate it.

When I got there to pick him up he was wheezing. It turns out he struggled with the last two laps and told me he felt dizzy and almost passed out. The coach told him to take it easy and just walk. He was OK, and didn’t want me to worry about him.

Yes, I packed another inhaler in his tennis bag this morning.  But it is so frightening to think that your kids are all alone in this world.  If only I could believe that there is a God “up there,” watching over him.  That would make life so much less stressful to pass along the worry to someone else.  Since I can’t always be there to look out for him, he has got to learn to look out for himself.

At any point in his life, my kid could go running off some place without his inhaler and that could be the last time I see him.