Life Lesson

This I know I’ve taught my kid: Never walk your dog without a plastic bag. No one should have to clean up your mess–or your pet’s, literally and metaphorically speaking.

Saplings

I’ve been wrong in my thinking. All this time I thought that parents were the biggest influence on how kids turned out. But the more I look around, the more I see that parents seem to have little to do with who their offspring become, as a general rule.

Take the divorced guy a few houses down. He is one of the meanest men I know. I hear him yelling at his kids allll the time. And when I’ve gone over there to ask him if his kids can spend the night or go some place special, he’s just like an old crotchety character out of a movie.  The answer is always, “No.” Not, “no thank you–maybe another time.” Not, “no, thanks, we have plans.” Just “no” with a suspicious glare at me, as if I was going to rob him.

His older son tells me he really, really hates his dad because he curses at them all the time. When I said, “I’m sorry. That must hurt.” He replied, “Not anymore, I’m used to it.” The thing is both his boys and their little sister are the nicest, most polite kids you’ll ever meet. In all the years they’ve been coming to my house (pretty much every day), they’ve been so respectful and thankful. I’ve wondered if maybe the mother, who lives a few blocks away, was the reason these kids turned out so nice.

But then I see my best friend and her kids. She’s the opposite of “Billy Bob” down the street. She’s one of the smartest and most loving people I know–one of those people who is always giving. But her oldest kid has got an evil side. I’ve often disciplined him for the way he ruthlessly attacks his younger brother, both physically and mentally. He tells the kid all the time, “Shut up! You’re so stupid.” And he constantly punches his little brother as if he were a Bobo doll. You’d think that a kid who has misbehaved would cower when an adult confronts him. But when I’ve asked this 12-year-old, “Why are you so mean to your little brother? He looks up to you.” He tells me, “Because he’s an idiot.”  That simple. 

I see the difference in my own kids, who were raised the same way. The older boy is not aggressive or mean-spirited, but my youngest has a quick, easy temper and will attack with the slightest perceived provocation. The older child is easy to raise because he has values similar to mine; the younger child requires a lot of work. By the end of the day, I’m emotionally worn. The older one talks respectfully; the younger one talks back. Where did they learn these things?

Are we just lucky when our kids turn out the way we want them to? How much do our efforts really matter? Are kids going to grow into who they were born to be, regardless of how we try to mold and shape them? I’m starting to believe that I have little influence over my children’s personalities. Maybe acorns do fall far from the tree.

Muslims and mothers

Another mother has been accused of drowning her children.  As a parent, this is just so heartbreaking and emotionally draining to read about. Although these types of crimes by a small number of mothers are horrifying, I still think we should celebrate Mother’s Day. The majority of mothers would never even think of harming a child, theirs or another’s. 

Forgive me for using this example to jump from. Also in the news today is Obama’s stance on the mosque at Ground Zero. (Can the guy never get a break?) We’re talking about a few bad apples here–like the mothers mentioned above–a few crazies.  We cannot deny all Muslims the simple right to build a place of worship. We would not deny Christians the right to build a church on the same site. There are peaceful Muslims and peaceful Christians; fanatical Muslims and fanatical Christians. The Ground Zero brouhaha makes Americans look narrow-minded, vindictive and intolerant.  This isn’t about terrorism. This is about Americans and their tolerance for other religious beliefs and world views. 

I hope I’m not alone in this. Don’t we have anything better to do with our time than bicker over places of worship?

Through the wormhole

“Through the Wormhole”  is a really cool, objective series on Discovery Channel. I highly recommend it if your child is interested in science and the universe. If not, this might make him or her interested! For the first time in a couple of years, my older son has finally been able to ponder black holes and time travel without freaking out. I guess time really does help kids adapt. A few years ago, my son couldn’t even read a book about the origins of the universe without having an anxiety attack. One of the downsides to growing up without god is that you are acutely aware that this life is it. There is nothing but space “out there.” 

It makes sense that looking through the wormhole would be a little scary. If a kid believes that there is a loving god behind this massive and amazing universe, it’s much easier to study. If a kid believes that life was a lucky fluke and that danger lurks in all the possible collisions with meteors and black holes, then the universe and its origin is much more difficult to look at. That nothingness you see out there is what you came from and what you will return to one day.

A tough call

It’s hot as hell here. This must be where the idea of Hades was conceived. 105 degrees for days. Brown lawns. Dead flowers. Dried up ponds. Scalding door handles.

My kids have been playing tennis in this heat. Academy, which means they’re out there several hours a day. The older kid has then gone on to high school try-outs for another three hours. At try-outs yesterday, I had to make a revision in my ideas of right and wrong.

It’s wrong to cheat, right? For years I told my kid, don’t give people bad calls. When in doubt, do NOT call it out. Give the other guy the benefit. If your opponent gives you bad calls, sometimes that happens. Move on. It’ll even out. Yesterday, my kid, a rising 10th grader, was playing a rising senior for the #1 spot. Being boys, it was a very competitive game. My kid is very small–a late grower. He’s not even on the charts for weight. But he was the only freshman on the varsity team last year. He works hard.

So maybe the older and bigger kid should get the top spot because it’s his last chance. But my son was determined. He and this boy were double’s partners last year, and I had watched the kid give a lot of bad calls. I told my son he should over-rule the kid, but he wouldn’t do it. He didn’t want bad blood. Now he was the boy’s opponent. The kid was no different playing my son. Several of the balls were so obviously in, and I felt just really disheartened watching. Finally, my son went up to the net and questioned the kid. He said, “I saw it out. It’s my call. Too bad.”  I could tell my kid was getting stressed. He was up 4-1. The set continued, and just as I suspected, he lost his composure and the set at 5-7. After the match, I heard the boys on the bleacher. My son told the other kid he didn’t play fair. I heard the kid laugh and say, “You have two more years. I’m a senior.”

This is a difficult life lesson–for me and for my kid. What do I tell him? Sorry, but you know he is your friend and he’s a senior. This is sort of fair, too. In a way, it is. Do I tell him to forgive his friend for cheating? Should I tell him, just forget about it, you’re better than he is? I think we all have it in us to cheat; some of us just break easier than others.

What I told my son-and some may not agree–was to immediately give the kid a bad call back. I thought about how many times I told him to ignore bad calls. Now I was making him vindictive and revengeful.  I thought that I had to teach him to stand up for himself, even if it meant compromising his values.  There were no line judges and no other solutions.  Sometimes cheaters do win. Do we take it or fight back? I think that’s a tough call for the religious and the nonreligious.

Just God

Seems like, if there was a god, he’d protect the people like Tom Little who devoted most of his life to helping indigent citizens of Afghanistan.  Right? A just and loving god who hears the prayers of his ppl surely would not let his good men and women suffer.

 Acts of violence like this just seem to reinforce that we’re here, alone, in an indifferent universe.

Zealots

Last night, someone left around 15 comments on my blog. I didn’t approve the comments, so that he wouldn’t be able to come in and comment whenever he’d like.  But I will share a few of them here. This is why religion (not any specific one) has a bad name.  Religious zealots.

2010/08/06 at 12:54 am

I have witnessed a lot of mocking going on here particularly from dam.
Just wanted to say that the Bible has been proven to be PROPHETICALLY ACCURATE..
You have past predictions which all occurred in the past,but also the End times prediction..Israel was predicted to fall (This happened in ad-70 as Jesus prophesied it-as did many prophets before him.
then you have Jesus Predicting that Israel would again be restored in the Final generation..The old Testament isn’t only about law,it conatins 140 prophecies about modern Israel,and also that jerusalem would be restored and become a thorn in the side of all nations..NOW THAT Something No Mocker can mock about because they know that these events are now happening..Zechariah 12 and Jeremiah 31 are 2 out of hundreds of Prophecies..Someone said the bible’s Predictions are not accurate,that false..that Guy obviously never read the prophecies or he would never make such daft statement as that!
but my Greater Criticism gos to dam,She is one Mocker that really needs to Lear some real truths..She don’t have to believe the locic and the Truth,but who gave her the right to mock Christians and the Bible? dam,you have the right to your Opinion,but You are going well over the mark when you start Mocking! Whatever you think,The Bible is accurate! Peter warned in the last days of many Mockers just like you!
And as for catholicism,that is a fake church that has Absolutly Nothing to do with rue Biblical Christianity..the wafer thing is not supported by the Bible..you need to check out what you know to be christian and see if it lines up with the Bible..not judging us all the same..CATHLICISM is a Counterfit! any wonder why you from catholic background have not been enlighted to the Truth!
Chris
Wales

ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

Your pathetic you Moderators,,Go to Hell!

Your pathetic you Moderators,,Go to Hell! chriszion1967@aol.com

chrisi4ever67

0

ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

2010/08/06 at 1:41 am

As far as Jesus referring to “THis Generation will not pass away”
anyone who can read can see plainly He was Talking about the Fig Tree Generation–he had just explained that the end would be when Israel was Restored. So Jesus was clearly pointing to Our generation..In other words,He was saying when we witness Israel being rebirthed again(1948) then we would see all the other signs occur within a Lifetime which could be anything from 70 -90 years..

In Luke 21:24 he makes this clear by saying Jersalem would be trodden down by the gentiles (This occured in ad 70) untill the time of the gentile control of Jerusalem be fulfilled(1967)
so you see,Jesus was Specific about what generation He was speaking of here..It could therefore be within 70 years or so or from 1967..But we can see now Isarel isolated,Clear signs that the end is near..the false peace must come first though…

As far as Jesus referring to “THis Generation will not pass away” anyone who can read can see plainly He was Talking about the Fig Tree Generation–he had just explained that the end would be when Israel was Restored. So Jesus was clearly pointing to Our generation..In other words,He was saying when we witness Israel being rebirthed again(1948) then we would see all the other signs occur within a Lifetime which could be anything from 70 -90 years.. In Luke 21:24 he makes this clear by saying Jersalem would be trodden down by the gentiles (This occured in ad 70) untill the time of the gentile control of Jerusalem be fulfilled(1967) so you see,Jesus was Specific about what generation He was speaking of here..It could therefore be within 70 years or so or from 1967..But we can see now Isarel isolated,Clear signs that the end is near..the false peace must come first though… chriszion1967@aol.com

chris

0

ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

2010/08/06 at 2:31 am

This place smells..It took the effort to reply to mockers here,But my posts where Rejected..This is not free speech and it anti-Christian and anti-Zionism!! I’m signing off you HYPOCRTITES! I’M Not staying where I’m not welcome,,You hear that you Pathetic Moderator,,YOUR A DISGRACE!! Your Not doing Your Job right..You must be a Big fan of the current President…your either deceived christain who does not believe in Modern Israel or your anti-Christian..Get off your High Horse..you get that Appeaser?Go continue to serve your god satan..The Father of lies..

This place smells..It took the effort to reply to mockers here,But my posts where Rejected..This is not free speech and it anti-Christian and anti-Zionism!! I’m signing off you HYPOCRTITES! I’M Not staying where I’m not welcome,,You hear that you Pathetic Moderator,,YOUR A DISGRACE!! Your Not doing Your Job right..You must be a Big fan of the current President…your either deceived christain who does not believe in Modern Israel or your anti-Christian..Get off your High Horse..you get that Appeaser?Go continue to serve your god satan..The Father of lies.. chriszion1967@aol.com

chrisi4ever67

0

ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

2010/08/06 at 2:51 am

THAT DAM WOMAN IS A MOCKER AND SHE IS STUPID BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED WE ALL EVOLVED..THAT THE UNIVERSE JUST HAPPENED..ACTUALLY SHE DOES NOT REALLY BELIEVE THIS,SHE HATES CHRISTIANS AND GOD..BECAUSE OF HER CATHOLIC UP BRINGING..BUT THEN,I WAS BROUGHT UP NOT TO FOLLOW GOD,,BUT I HAD THE SENSE ENOUGH TO FIND OUT FOR MYSELF AND NOT REJECT GOD BECUSE OF MY PARENT..SHE IS A REBEL AND A MOCKER AND SHE IS STORING UP WRATH..
BESIDES,CATHOLICISM IS NOT EVEN A TRUE FORM OF CHRISTIANITY..ANY WONDER PEOPLE LIKE HER HATE GOD WHE THEY GET INVOLVED IN THIS IDOLATRY!
MAM,ONE DAY YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT FOR ALL THE EVIL WORDS YOU AHVE SPOKEN AGAINST GOD AND CHRISTIANITY,,YOU ARE LUMPING US ALL TOGETHER AND THIS SHOWS YOUR STUPID BECAUSE YOU DON’T DISCERN THE DIFFERENT!

THAT DAM WOMAN IS A MOCKER AND SHE IS STUPID BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED WE ALL EVOLVED..THAT THE UNIVERSE JUST HAPPENED..ACTUALLY SHE DOES NOT REALLY BELIEVE THIS,SHE HATES CHRISTIANS AND GOD..BECAUSE OF HER CATHOLIC UP BRINGING..BUT THEN,I WAS BROUGHT UP NOT TO FOLLOW GOD,,BUT I HAD THE SENSE ENOUGH TO FIND OUT FOR MYSELF AND NOT REJECT GOD BECUSE OF MY PARENT..SHE IS A REBEL AND A MOCKER AND SHE IS STORING UP WRATH.. BESIDES,CATHOLICISM IS NOT EVEN A TRUE FORM OF CHRISTIANITY..ANY WONDER PEOPLE LIKE HER HATE GOD WHE THEY GET INVOLVED IN THIS IDOLATRY! MAM,ONE DAY YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT FOR ALL THE EVIL WORDS YOU AHVE SPOKEN AGAINST GOD AND CHRISTIANITY,,YOU ARE LUMPING US ALL TOGETHER AND THIS SHOWS YOUR STUPID BECAUSE YOU DON’T DISCERN THE DIFFERENT! chriszion1967@aol.com

chrisi4ever67

0

ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

Dumb Parents

No doubt, one of the absolute hardest things about parenting is when you see your kid pulling away from you.  You sense it before you actually see it. They don’t talk to you as much. They tell their friends more than they tell you. They’re quiet and sulky where once they were talkative and giggly.

It’s a sign of good parenting that they want to take off and fly away, but it is really hard. The kid who once wanted you to go with them to the movies or who looked to you for answers now sees you as their jailer or as their “dumb” parent. It happens to everyone, eventually. You just have to sit back and ride it out. Hopefully, they’ll come out the other side, intact, ready to have a new relationship with you.

Since I believe in wishes, not prayer, I can only wish that my kids stay out of trouble and stay focused in school. I hope I’ve done my job well enough that they know the way without my lead.

Prayer

Just yesterday, I was talking with a woman I’ve known for a year. Her husband has epilepsy, and he was driving to pick up her daughter. She told me, “I was so worried about him, but I just prayed to god and left it in His hands.”  I thought of how many things ppl prayed for that never got answered. I thought of Mother Teresa praying for the starving children of India. I thought of the Pope praying for peace. If I believed in prayer, I don’t know that I’d want to take a chance that the big guy upstairs was on the pot when I was praying to him. Besides, if god could control your life, why couldn’t he cure your loved one’s epilepsy?

What do you believe?

I notice that I get dozens of views a day, but not many comments. I’m just wondering if people come here by accident or do they come searching for other parents raising kids without religion?

Besides my husband–and I’m lucky I found a partner who believes as I do–I don’t know anyone ”in the flesh” (meaning, besides those folks on-line) who is agnostic or atheist. Maybe they’re just in the closet.

If you’re here reading this, what do you believe?