I was raised a Catholic, so I remember all the times I had to say the rosary or say my prayers before bed. Prayer became comforting because I believed there was one person who loved me no matter what I did or thought. As I got older, I’d reach under my pillow to feel my rosary when I was scared. It was, I know, an emotional crutch.
I don’t believe in the efficacy of prayer any more, so I have not raised my kids to believe such foolishness. But as an adult, you forget how many things scare kids. My 12-yo is going through a phase where is acutely aware of mortality: he is afraid his heart will stop, he is afraid that I will die in an accident, he is afraid someone will break into our house with a gun. I remember going through this as a kid. But I had prayer to comfort me.
How do I teach my kid where to find comfort in the middle of the night when he wakes up scared? Or when he is by himself in a fearful situation? The only thing I have found that works is teaching him to breathe deeply and imagine the words “peace” and “love” coming into his mouth and nose. Sounds silly, I know, but it has worked for him. For now.
If you have a non-prayer ritual or practice that helps your child feel peace, please share….
I was technically raised with religion and went to church but I realize now I never bought into all that prayer hooey – hence why my awakening into the non-religious was quite easy. As a kid, when I was scared, I was scared. I knew it was normal to be scared and what got me through was knowing who loved me no matter what – my family. They’d be there for me no matter what. Obviously death is a little different but we already talk to our kids about how death is a part of life and that while most people don’t want to die, it’s normal to be scared of it you just can’t be consumed by it because that isn’t living. I think that is a great fault of religion in making death somewhat of a taboo topic. Or if they do talk about it, it’s talked about in mystical ways of descending to heaven. Frankly, I think the possibility of dying, being judged, and then going to hell is a scarier thing to think about than is just dying and becoming one with nature. But that’s just me.
Hi Erika. It’s been a while. I love your new picture!
I agree with you–rather than saying someone died, we’re told, “he passed” or “he’s in a better place now.” It makes the whole dying process too esoteric and scary. There’s a lot of fear and anxiety that could be calmed by facing death. I agree with you, too, that the fear of “hell” is more scary than the idea of going into the earth and becoming one with nature!!
Thanks!
And I should have typed “ascending” [into heaven] instead of “descending” but well, I guess since it’s not a real place, direction doesn’t matter, right?
LOL. Right.
As a child i was raised on religion as well, but i never quite understood pray, i never felt the connection that i guessed other people feel. I remember praying many times and nothing happening so as an adult now i have abandoned religion all together. However the only time i can say pray might have worked was when i was litterally dying from a scorpion sting and i was revived…
I have no children because i did not know how to raise them without religion as I was, but i take comfort in knowing that i will find a way instead of bringing them up to fear many things.
I think for a child to understand death it will just take some time and experience. This seems better than lying to them telling them that “x person” is in heaven right now. That might only breed resentment.
Hi Leo. Thanks for your comment. I do agree with you that children need time and experience to understand death. I can see that in my children–they have gone through “phases” of understanding death.