My kid has a lot of strikes against him. He’s a nerd. He’s the shortest and skinniest kid in his middle-school grade (he’s not even on the pediatrician’s weight chart). He wears braces. He has divorced parents. And he’s come out of the proverbial closet as a democrat and an agnostic in a town that is 92% Republican and very Baptist.
So I discovered while on vacation with him that the kids are still teasing him about the Obama thing. (By election day, he was the ONLY kid is his class to be an Obama supporter.) Some kids call him a “stupid liberal.” Of course, I feel a stab in the heart when he says that. And when he tells me, “It’s OK, Mom.” And then again when he says that the same boy keeps kicking and hitting him. Before Christmas break, the boy had pinned him to a desk in an empty classroom. “But I fought back,” my son says. “And the kid just gets too rough. He’s really just playing around.” But I know. And I feel for him.
I ask, Do you want me to step in and help? “No, please,” he tells me. “Please, don’t.” He knows that means the bully might find out his mom intervened. And I understand.
It’s hard letting your kid go and watching him stumble, especially when he has no faith.
My boys
The good news is that your son knows that you have his back.
When I was horribly bullied for pretty much all of K-12 I did not have any teachers that would support me (other than let me stay in the classroom during recess sometimes) and my parents believed I was “bringing it on” myself. He is fortunate to have a mom that he can talk to about it and be supportive.
Thanks for support. He talks to me, but not right away….
I wish there had been someone there for you…
Well, as a non-parent I can’t claim that any suggestions I give will be useful, but…
Maybe suggest to him that the next time some kid is roughing him up for being a liberal, he simply laugh at the idiot, and say something like, “What, you think beating me up will change my mind? Seriously? And that’s all you’ve got? You’re just a fist without a brain, and when you’re washing toilets for a living in 10 years, I’ll be getting rich off my stupid liberal brain. So bring it on.”
Or… you could explain to him how a short, sharp, backfisted punch in the throat can really take the fight right out of a person… something I wish I’d known during my K-12 days, growing up in a festering hellhole of bullying Baptist halfwits.
The irony is the schools have all these campaigns about “no bullying, no put-downs.” Parents and kids have to sign forms at the beginning of school stating they’ll abide by these rules. But it doesn’t seem to change. Bullies are timeless.
I’m going to teach my son Brazilian jujitsu and muy tai. I learned both and I look forward to the opportunity to share some good father-son bonding. =D
Brazilian Jujitsu is actually pretty non-violent. It’s a martial art that is 100% dedicated to chokes, holds, locks and throws. There is no striking allowed.
Of course…that’s where the muy tai comes in. =)
I so understand. I don’t have any wise words. I cheated and took my baby out of school when I lived in a place like that. (Hers was the “Christian” kids messing with her for going to hell because she didn’t go to church.)
You know, I was thinking about this some more.
When do we risk our children getting hurt (emotionally or physically) in exchange for the chance that they could grow, learn, or “toughen up” as we men like to say?
I don’t know the answer to this question yet. I’m thankful that I have a few more years before I’ll have to start deciding on what the answer is.
Dave, I wish we didn’t have to toughen our kids up. They are, by nature, sweet and soft. At least the kids I’ve known.
But there is a line–if you get involved too much when they get older (middle school) you take away your child’s power to deal with their problems. On the other hand, if things get out-of-control, a parent must step in. Some parents are over-bearing and controlling and that is not good either…Just figuring out where the line is can be tough.
I think there’s a lot of truth there Dam.
I have more sympathy for the challenges parents face now that I am one. Trying to make the “right choices” for our children is an excruciating and stressful ordeal.
I question myself a lot even though my son’s mommy assures me that I’m doing a very good job. I just constantly wonder if I’m getting it “right” or not.
I’ve kind of had to just say to myself “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all I can do”.
He may have no faith, but at least he has a brain. Better to be in the minority and be to think for himself, than to just skip stupidly along with the rest of the 92% of the people in your community. At least he has a chance of eventually becoming something when he grows up, unlike most people.